'Gutfeld!' on Psaki exposing White House's 'bigotry'

‘Gutfeld’ welcomed guest Matt Whitaker, Julie Banderas, Joe DeVito, Kat Timpf,

This is a rush transcript of “Gutfeld” on November 18, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Yes. Happy some day of the week again. I forgot. We got another humdinger of a program. What’s a humdinger? Who the hell knows? I had one removed earlier this week. Thank God for a salad tongs. It’s funny how I managed to sit on things accidentally of course. Joining us tonight is Matt Whitaker. Very, very athletic man. Very athletic man. He just got off a grueling workout.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes. He — a little known fact, he shares a birthday with our very own Kat. Proving once and for all that astrology is about as real as Joy Behar’s hair. Also joining us Julie Banderas. Glad to see her here given her antics last night.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I got (INAUDIBLE)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh my god. Her ass is (INAUDIBLE)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (INAUDIBLE)

GUTFELD: Yes. Julie, is something else. She’ll drink all your Rose as well as your rows B and your rows C. Speaking of a jumble of chaos and confusion, how about Jen Psaki? In an effort to play the race and the gender card, she ended up throwing her administration under the bigoted bus. Following a CNN report on the dysfunction in the Vice President’s office, Paski told Politico, it all comes down to, you guessed it, sexism and racism. There’s no question.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

JEN PSAKI, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: She is the first African American woman of color, Indian-American woman to serve in this job woman. I mean, so many firsts, right? It’s a lot to have on your shoulders. She is somebody who at a much higher level than the rest of us, but who wants to be seen as the talented experienced, you know, experts substantive policy person partner to the President that she is. But, you know, I do think there has been some attacks that are beyond because of her identity.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So to quote the TSA agent who works the X-ray machine and spotted those objects in the shape of a summer squash and a melon balls scooper over the weekend. Let’s unpack this. The long way for a butt joke. CNN had reported this growing infighting as an exclusive story, meaning it came from the White House. Now maybe CNN could have just made it up like the Russian collusion crap, but this story had too many integral facts coming from too many sources.

Fact is if the White House wants a story out there, all it has to do is pick up Biden’s Sports Illustrated football phone and it’s on CNN faster than Stelter’s pudgy fingers on a powdered donut. I’ll take it. So when Psaki claims that some attacks on Harris are based on her identity, she’s actually referring to the very criticism that came from the White House. Meaning Joe and his staff are having a problem with women of color.

They’re the white supremacist, huh? How does that feel, Joe? Heard about fair play after your Rittenhouse smear? Remember, Joe went to a funeral for a grand Cyclops which is not a person with a zit in the middle of their forehead. It’s the title of a higher up in the KKK, as in Democrat Robert Byrd. He probably didn’t even check his watch during that funeral. Joe also made fun of Indians before observing that they only work in 7-Elevens, remember that?

So Jen has to be talking about Joe but it’s hard to tell since Jen unloads more crap than Joe Biden after three bowls of All-Bran. I know. That’s another poop reference. Was that too much, Phyllis?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Greg made a couple of more poop jokes tonight. Is it too far?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: No, it’s not. I love his poop jokes (INAUDIBLE) they are so great. I love them. I love them.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Can’t argue with Phyllis. She’s a national treasure. Whenever there’s a problem with these clowns it has to be because we’re all racist and sexist, right? It’s never about their incompetence or callousness or loathing for average working class Americans which is just another form of bigotry. A coal miner could finish a 10-hour workday covered at sun and they’d call him out for blackface.

This is really about the V.P. in turmoil which is the only kind of oil this administration will allow. Time for the next chapter of.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: In search of Kamala Harris. With your host, Sarah Jessica Parker.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: It has been a tough search so far, but thankfully, we were able to catch up with her earlier today. Yes, we scored an exclusive one-on-one interview.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Welcome to the show, Madam Vice President.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: It’s great to be here. I love your show. Especially the blonde girl, although she could use a sandwich, preferably a toasted one made with toast using a toaster.

GUTFELD: I have to say you do look like a toaster.

TIMPF: I am a toaster. You (BLEEP) what did you expect? To have a human actually impersonate her? Because if they did impersonate her they be called a racist and a sexist. Nobody wants to play Kamala because they’re scared (BLEEP) of being canceled. So it’s just better to have a (BLEEP) toaster like. They can’t cancel a toaster. The only problem is on like Kamala, toasters actually do their job.

GUTFELD: I know. I got to ask you to watch the language. This is after all a family show.

TIMPF: OK. Mr. Obsessed with poop. Oh, here comes the poop joke. Hahaha, poop, poop, poop. Can you just stop for one minute? And what’s with the nonstop drug jokes about Kat? She is a wholesome, loving, healthy person with a strong moral character. You though are a flaming (BLEEP)

GUTFELD: That voice sounds really familiar. All right. All right. Let’s just get down to this. What do you think of Jen Psaki saying that it’s all sexism and racism behind the criticism that’s being directed at you, Miss Harris.

TIMPF: Do I know? I’m a toaster. Don’t a microwave.

GUTFELD: Well, thanks for joining us.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So, what did you expect? You think we really get an actual person to impersonate Kamala Harris? We tried to talk Harris Faulkner into it, but she said dinner at Fuddruckers wasn’t enough. That is you can impersonate anyone except the protected classes designated by the legacy media. As if there’s on a Do Not Disturb list. Remember when SNL forced poor Fred Armisen to impersonate Obama, and they made him so incredibly boring, so as not to offend anyone.

It’s really the worst insult. We don’t think you can take the criticism, which allows some of the biggest crooks to get away with anything. Hell, some can even marry their brother. I don’t know who I’m talking about. So it comes down to this. When in trouble, smear the others. When in doubt, call the bigots out. Call them racist, call them sexist but never call for the truth. It’s a difference between this White House and the previous one.

Who did Trump go after? The media, China, the NBA, the NFL, Democrats and Republicans, celebrities. He punched up not down. He didn’t single out citizens or voters. Here the White House sees you, the individual as the problem. And they see group identity as its protection. It’s a racket. They’re the victims even when they’re in power and you’re not.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guests. In (INAUDIBLE) passes now he not (INAUDIBLE) former acting attorney general Matt Whitaker. She’s more buzz than a beast shaving with an electric razor. Fox News Anchor, Julie Banderas. He has browsed lined up at the box office asking about the refund policy. Writer and comedian Joe Devito. And finally her teachers encouraged her to run with scissors, Fox News Contributor, Kat Timpf.

You know, Julie, I used to think you were the biggest hot female mess I ever met. But actually Kamala Harris is more of a mess than you are.

JULIE BANDERAS, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: I actually really can relate to the story because I to lead a life and trenched in dysfunction and lack of focus. But honestly, I think it’s a — it’s a lame card to play when you play the race card here. I have said and I’ve maintained this from the very beginning. I believe Joe Biden picked her so that he would be the first president to put a woman in the vice president position, correct?

GUTFELD: Right.

BANDERAS: But I think as far as her ability to do the job, I mean, being a woman should be an advantage to her because unlike men, we can multitask. So that would mean that there was absolutely no excuse for sucking at our job.

GUTFELD: That is — like that was a jab at men.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I mean, I get it, you got to cook. You got to clean, you got to walk.

BANDERAS: I do none of the —

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: The sexist would say that but I’m not saying that.

BANDERAS: I do none of the above for the record. My husband does all of that. So —

GUTFELD: Maybe that’s why you are a mess.

BANDERAS: Or why I wear the pants. Literally.

GUTFELD: Which aren’t very clean at this point.

BANDERAS: No, they’re not.

GUTFELD: No, they’re not. Matt, welcome to the show.

MATT WHITAKER, FORMER ACTING ATTORNEY GENERAL: I always enjoy being on here. Thank you.

GUTFELD: Do you think they’re actually defending her? I mean, it seems like — it seems like they’re trying to get her out.

WHITAKER: No. This is — yes. No.

(CROSSTALK)

WHITAKER: No. And to some extent, you know, she is — the first at many things including having the lowest approval rating of any vice president at this point in time.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WHITAKER: So, you know, I know you like math.

GUTFELD: I do.

WHITAKER: The real question is —

(CROSSTALK)

WHITAKER: Is Joe Biden pushing Kamala Harris’s favorability down or is she pulling him down? That’s the chicken in the egg question.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

(CROSSTALK)

WHITAKER: Right now they appear to be blaming her.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Yes, it is true. They’re both in trouble. So they’re blaming — it’s you. It’s not me. It’s you. They’re like those dueling Spider Mans.

WHITAKER: They should have her look at the root causes of his lack configurability.

GUTFELD: Yes. She’s the root cause of her lack of favorability. It’ll like me. Joe, you’re used to that. Do you — when they say there’s no rifts, do you believe them?

JOE DEVITO, COMEDIAN: They better hope there’s a rift between Kamala and Jill Biden because she’s ready to cut her.

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: She slash up with a scalpel. She was a real doctor. They’re still mad about what happened in the debates. Maybe it was a bad idea to pick your running mate to be someone who called you a segregationist over your opinions on busing?

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: This come back because now 40 years later, he’s throwing her under the bus. So it’s come full circle.

GUTFELD: Nice.

DEVITO: This is what annoys me so much is that they put so much stake in identity.

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: You know, and they say — and the people who left say things like, Isn’t it time for a woman of color to be considered for president and you say, OK, well, how about Condoleezza Rice? Like what, wow, look at the time, it’s not quite the time. So it’s so easy to go for these — the racism sexism, but it’s — when you pick identity over ability, this is what you end up with.

GUTFELD: Right, right. Little applause. Kat, I thought the interview with – – the interview I did with the Vice President was very strange.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Super weird.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Very cool.

TIMPF: Yeah.

GUTFELD: Very silly.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: But she didn’t cackle.

TIMPF: No.

GUTFELD: You know what, this — but — that’s — this should prove your point that if you take — if you take this administration, with all their experience, they’re more inept than an administration that had no experience.

TIMPF: Absolutely.

GUTFELD: So you can’t get better at politics.

TIMPF: Especially because like Jen Psaki doesn’t even realize how sexist what she said was, I mean, being a woman can be hard. But as a woman, I am a woman by the way, I don’t want people to think that I’m going to be like, totally incapable of basic competency because she literally said, listen, Kamala would be better at her job. But she’s a woman. So she can’t. That’s what she said. She said woman twice.

She’s the first woman and just even as a woman, like, that’s way more offensive than a lot of things I’ve heard.

GUTFELD: Yes. And also, it’s like, she is the first politician I’ve seen in history who decided not to do the job that she was — she went to the border and then she just — and then she just dropped —

TIMPF: Kind of a power move.

GUTFELD: Yes. Like you know, when I’m done and I said this on “THE FIVE,” it’s like, it’s she’s worse than the Cable Guy, because, you know, Cable Guy will be five hours late, but at least they’ll fix it. She just went — she didn’t fix it. And then she won’t even return your calls. Like, it’s like you didn’t — you never, you know, we called you about the border. You said you gave us a time between 12:00 and 7:00 p.m. to be home, to be home at the border.

And we never showed up. So it’s yes, I’m on another call in France.

WHITAKER: Yes, yes. But you know, Greg, the real challenge in this situation is she had very little experience to be vice president and to fix these problems. Joe Biden had all the experience and he can’t fix it either.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

WHITAKER: So, I mean, it really is kind of the, you know, again, this —

TIMPF: You think that all those years he helped create them and give them insight.

GUTFELD: Yes. He’s like alcohol.

TIMPF: He help make the problem that should help.

GUTFELD: That old line about alcohol. Joe Biden is this —

(CROSSTALK)

DEVITO: The solutions to all of his problems.

GUTFELD: Yes. There you go. Up next, College Democrats delve into canceling themselves.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Young Dems don’t get a pass when old tweets bite them in the ass. A bombshell reported Politico highlights allegations of bigotry and calls for impeachment of high ranking members of the College Democrats of America or (INAUDIBLE) it’s the worst student scandal since I was caught in a dorm during a panty raid. That was last year. And I still haven’t gotten my panties back.

Screenshots of their old tweets from adolescents have been circulating which has led to ugly accusations of anti blackness, Islamophobia and anti- Semitism. It’s gotten so bad that the ANC may cut ties with their college counterparts. What have they got against ties? And the college kids are so upset, they’re using their tears to fill their bongs. As the piece points out, some college Dems see it as a morally necessary reckoning with systemic racism of course.

While others see it as a bunch of college educated hyper woke kids trying to play politics, which sounds like the Democratic Party. So all this drama over resurface tweets from long ago, hmm, I wonder how far this will go.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: All right, Mr. Angelic. You have a great resume. What could you explain this tweet from 2018? Who’s in the mood for a little Mexican? I think her name is Rosalita LOL, LOL.

DEVITO: Oh, that was a joke. We were going to meet up for tacos.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Mm-hmm. Did you also read this sexist comment in a yearbook, had a blast in A.P. English. Mrs. Thompson was a bitch. Haha. Have a great summer.

DEVITO: That’s when I was in high school. Mrs. Thompson was a bitch. Where are you getting this?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Isn’t it also true you want soiled yourself while grabbing a woman’s breasts?

DEVITO: No way. What is that from? 1970. I was a baby. I was a hungry baby.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes, but it happened once again in 1990, 2005 and just last week.

DEVITO: Oh. Damn it

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You look like a college professor. The kind that would hit on college students. Why don’t call it — does — it’s pretty accurate, right? With the beard. Salt, pepper beard?

DEVITO: That was that in confidence, Greg.

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: I look like a professor hit and girls at a community college. Can we pause to acknowledge my incredible acting and —

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You’re natural, you’re a natural. Those improve classes that you’ve spent, your —

DEVITO: Eight grand, well spent.

GUTFELD: Yes. What — why is it — it’s — this isn’t a problem with College Republicans. Only College Democrats? Are you kind of enjoying it?

DEVITO: Oh, it’s wonderful see them eating themselves like that it’s great. It’s, you know, to see that it really has nothing to do with justice or anyone’s feelings. It’s just a game of moving up in your status to see who can be more aggrieved. And the — and the idea that the Democratic Party would be cutting ties with them because well, if there’s one thing they won’t stand for, it’s bickering over race and identity issue.

The Democrats certainly don’t want any of that. So it’s a lot of fun and reminds me the “It’s a shame they can’t both lose.” So I would love to see them tearing each other apart.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know, Kat, this is a — this is what happens with forgiveness is considered a vise. Like if you — if you actually say, you know, that was — that was a long time ago. They go, no, now, you’re going to be canceled.

TIMPF: As far as I know all the College Democrats do is released statements condemning stuff like for the past few years, so they just got lazy. Now they’re just condemning each other, which is a lot easier. But the only concern is that College Democrats after a few years, they become grown up Democrats.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: And then they get jobs, maybe in H.R.

GUTFELD: They — they’re — it’s always H.R.

TIMPF: And it’s going to be H.R. And we’re all (BLEEP)

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes. It’s strange, man. I thought I was so wrong. I thought that this stuff would be localized in academia. And then — but no, it jumped out. It found its place actually in the corporate world. A corporate world, Matt, that are — that is so desperate to virtue signal that they’ll buy anything. They’ll spend money on anti racism, ideology CRT like that.

WHITAKER: Well, it’s not long. You know, we’re going through old tweets on social media for these cultures. It’s not long before Corporate America starts going through every e-mail you ever sent.

GUTFELD: Oh god help them.

WHITAKER: Yes. Well, you saw that happen to Jon Gruden recently where, you know, that his e-mails we leaked.

GUTFELD: Those pictures I sent to you.

WHITAKER: Yes. Well —

(CROSSTALK)

WHITAKER: — like that, Greg. Yes.

GUTFELD: I know. Every — I thought everybody works out naked. Anyway, I apologize for that. But it is — it is — it’s crazy because they are being hoisted, what is it? On —

WHITAKER: On their own petard, no one knows what a petard is.

WHITAKER: Yes.

GUTFELD: Right?

WHITAKER: Well, you can be hoisted on it must be long.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Not for me. I don’t — petard it sounds like something that should be banned, Julie.

BANDERAS: Yes.

GUTFELD: We should rise above this and defend these kids except you know that these kids would be the first ones to try to cancel you.

BANDERAS: No.

GUTFELD: Because you work at Fox.

BANDERAS: I would cancel myself.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BANDERAS: And I want to cancel myself.

GUTFELD: You’ve been trying to cancel yourself years.

BANDERAS: I really have.

(CROSSTALK)

BANDERAS: And I’ve been so ineffective. I don’t even know how I saw the job. But I am so grateful. This reminds me of how grateful I am that there was no social media when I was growing up because nobody has any record of all the stupid (BLEEP) that I did. I mean, you have no idea. But I think it’s interesting. And I think I like the fact that they’re very consistent in following in the footsteps of their Democratic leaders in Washington where they are leading a party of dysfunction, where it begins in college and then of course, they become adults.

They should actually look into Kamala Harris’s office, see if she’s hiring, because I think that there’s a whole field of potential candidates there.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BANDERAS: That she could potentially use to, you know, better her position.

WHITAKER: Further heard a dysfunction.

GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly. You know what? The only person that is immune from cancellation is the least interesting people on earth. If there isn’t something that you’re going, oh god, I hope that doesn’t get out. I want to know you.

TIMPF: I don’t have anything.

GUTFELD: I don’t want to know you.

BANDERAS: Like who here doesn’t have a sex tape?

GUTFELD: Oh my god.

BANDERAS: You know —

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Well, I’ve got an — I got a library.

BANDERAS: I’m so thankful people don’t have VHS.

GUTFELD: Oh, I just finally alphabetize it.

(CROSSTALK)

WHITAKER: Mine’s on beta.

GUTFELD: You were a master at beta.

WHITAKER: Stockton, Malone (INAUDIBLE)

GUTFELD: Terrible. Terrible. God. This is — this show is getting dirtier and dirtier every day. They’re going to have to stop it at some point.

TIMPF: I don’t under — I don’t understand any of it.

GUTFELD: All right. Up next. Is Bill Maher turning into a certain pop star?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: As dealing with the liberal loonies made him more like yours truly, Bill Maher is calling out his own side because they’re sounding certified. He stopped by Chris Cuomo show yesterday to discuss a wide-range of topics, instead of Chris’s usual focus, which is bicep curls and apologizing for his brother.

For those of you who don’t know, Bill hosts the show “Real Time” and Chris hopes to one day host a real show. Maher’s been one of the rare voices on the left calling out the insanity in his own party. And the left has put up more resistance than Hunter Biden fighting child supports.

I’d like to give them a high five. And by that, I mean handing them a $5.00 bill while stoned. He’s sounding more and more like someone I know, which has America wondering.

ANNOUNCER: “IS BILL MAHER TURNING INTO GREG GUTFELD?”

GUTFELD: Let’s take a look at the evidence, shall we? First up, let’s hear Bill’s thoughts on agenda driven media coverage of Hunter Biden.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BILL MAHER, COMEDIAN: Something like Hunter Biden. I mean, if Don, Jr. had done what Hunter Biden had done, it would be every night, all night on MSNBC. But the fact that it’s Hunter Biden, and Joe is on the blue team — see, that’s the problem with America, everything is so binary.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So, where have we heard that before?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Imagine if this were Trump’s offspring?

LARA TRUMP, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Oh, forget.

GUTFELD: I know, that’s a cliched question at this point. But I mean, it has to run through your head like that like, this — I mean, what your family went through every day, because you’re simply related to the President, and then compare it to what he’s not going through.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I was less eloquent. All right. Clearly, and what about critical race theory, Bill? Let me guess. It’s not a phantom.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MAHER: And it’s not a phantom, either. There’s something going on in the schools that never went on before. Now, I’m not in schools. I have no interaction with children whatsoever. But I do understand this issue because I read accounts from parents, from educators, kids are taught and sometimes separated into groups oppressor and oppressed.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: And what say you, Mr. Gutfeld?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Splitting kids into oppressor and oppressed. Actually, calling somebody oppressor isn’t as bad as calling somebody oppressed, because they’re always going to be seen as a victim.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I rest my case. By the way, by the way, Kat, I’m not even — I’m not trying to call him out on anything. I — this to me makes me feel good, and, and also, I realized that no matter what I say, I’m not reaching his audience. But he can actually take — he can take whatever he wants from this show, whatever he wants. And if he talks to his audience, I love him for that, because he’s reaching people we can’t.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: I’m proud of you. Really. That is such a mature attitude to have when you’ve been saying these things, and he’s saying them and get credit. But you’re being so mature, you would never expect it from a guy with a show that’s about 60 percent poop jokes at this point.

GUTFELD: When is he going to do poop jokes?

TIMPF: I don’t know. But if he does, I’m going to be impressed with your mature, reasonable, positive at — principle-based attitude.

GUTFELD: You know, what kills me to, Julie? When he says this stuff, he sounds so much more sophisticated than me.

TIMPF: There it is. There it is. There’s the paranoia.

JULIE BANDERAS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL ANCHOR: Yes, I know. But I think that you’re just a much better actor. You don’t need a teleprompter. I mean, you were a natural. But no, I think Bill Maher, I think he is not watching the show, is my guess.

GUTFELD: Oh, he is.

BANDERAS: But he’s got people watching for him.

GUTFELD: That is true.

BANDERAS: That’s what I think.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BANDERAS: And he obviously knows that this works, which clearly it does. But it’s interesting, there was something that he said where he says it goes beyond policy. And until we figure out why they hate us so much, and obviously it goes both ways, when he says because they hate you. They really hate you.

And we’re never going to fix anything in this country until we love each other. I’m not really sure what he’s trying to say. But he’s basically saying Republicans and Democrats hate each other. With you on this show, practice every single night by keeping your friends close and your enemies closer, and talk to your staff.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BANDERAS: They would all attest to the fact that you have put that lesson into place and it works out quite well.

GUTFELD: That is true. That is true. I don’t know what she’s talking about. You, Whitaker, I’ve seen a wonderful trend. It seems like the strongest voices on the left. I’ve — you know, Dave Rubin is one of them, obviously, Glenn Greenwald is another, you got Bill Maher, you got Matt Taibbi, you got that lady —

JOE DEVITO, COMEDIAN: Barry Weiss?

GUTFELD: Barry Weiss. That was pretty good.

TIMPF: Nailed it.

GUTFELD: Nailed it. But they’re all — like, you’re seeing, you’re seeing brave people essentially trying to save their party. And, and I — that’s why I’m very positive about this, I think.

MATT WHITAKER, FORMER ACTING ATTORNEY GENERAL: Right, because they’re becoming the party of coastal elites in big city, latte drinking, white wine chortling leftist.

TIMPF: There’s nothing wrong with that.

WHITAKER: Yes.

GUTFELD: Did you say Lactaid? Or do I just hear that?

BANDERAS: Lactating, I think —

WHITAKER: I didn’t say either one of those words.

TIMPF: Julie’s like, I’m pretty sure —

GUTFELD: Oh, latte, you said latte.

WHITAKER: Latte.

GUTFELD: I can’t, I can’t, I can’t drink lattes because I need lactate, because I’m lactose intolerant. Why did you throw this in my face?

TIMPF: Julie heard lactating.

WHITAKER: But in all seriousness, Greg, I think what you saw in Virginia, is going to happen in 2022. They are panicked, they — because they all, all they care about power and forcing their policies on an unwilling and in America that doesn’t want what they have in New York City, and in, in Chicago, and these big cities where crimes on, you know, escalating all the types of things. And so, you know, I think this is what they’re trying to do. They’re trying to rally and talk some common sense.

GUTFELD: Right.

WHITAKER: Which is where most of America is right now.

GUTFELD: Yes, that’s true. You know, Joe, he seems to be transitioning. What else as an expert in transitioning.

DEVITO: Yes.

GUTFELD: What should be, what should be his next step? Where should, where should he go?

DEVITO: His next step is we need to get Bill, Bill Maher a giant glass of water because he’s taking about two years to swallow this red pill that’s stuck in his throat. And even guys, like — even Joe Rogan says, but I’m a left, I’m a guy on the left —

GUTFELD: Of course.

DEVITO: He still won’t let go of that. I’m a leftist. You’re not a leftist anymore, because what you’re talking now is common sense. These are entirely reasonable positions. And the problem is, his party has moved so far away from what normal people think about anymore that, I think the time is right now, for people who say look, we care about our country, we care about our families, we care about our kids, we don’t we don’t care about drag queen story hour. That is a very boutique interest to worry about nonsense like that. We want food on the table and we want a happier future and that’s what people care about freedom and in personal responsibility, that’s where we’re coming together on that.

GUTFELD: I thought you would like that as a gift. You know, but you don’t have to bring it up here, it was just something to do. I didn’t know there were going to be drag queens lap dancing. Anyway —

DEVITO: By the way, I thought he said Lactate too. I — I thought it was the —

WHITAKER: It’s my Iowa accent.

GUTFELD: These lactating liberals.

TIMPF: That’s a great book.

GUTFELD: The lactating liberals, by Judge Jeanine Pirro. Liars! Liar, lactate-rs and liberals. Coming up, pro-police bills are the law of the land but three crazy Dems (INAUDIBLE).

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Finally, Biden backs the blue. Well, three of the Squad say, screw you. On Thursday, the President signed a trio of bills into law that expanded benefits for first responders injured in the line of duty and offer more counseling to police officers. By the way a trio of bills is what I call my nightly hot tub. Anyway, I’m actually a little bigger, but – – here’s Joe acting like he cares about safety.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: When you look at what our communities need, what our law enforcement is being asked to do. It’s going to require more resources, not fewer resources. That’s why my administration has invested in the community policing we know works. And the training and partnership the law enforcement and our communities have requested. Think about what we asked the police officer, we asked everything from counselors to law enforcement up to fit folks who have to take down the bad guy. I mean, everything in between.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes, whatever. And there it is, after all those calls for defunding, finally, the president admits what we all know that can’t happen. We need police the way, Joe needs a life alert — Biden, not DeVito. Let me be clear. Now, these bills passed with nearly unanimous bipartisan support. One of them passed the House last month, 424 to 3. So, we’re the three dopes who voted against it? You have AOC, Rashida Tlaib, and Cori Bush. You wonder what their reasoning for their vote was, maybe they thought the money should be spent elsewhere. Flashy gala dresses, maybe? Who knows? But the fact is, they can vote against cops because they don’t need to worry about security. They have their own arm detail and laugh in the face of danger like these guys.

So, that’s where those little, little fellas went. I turned my back for one moment and they slip right out, the door. Matt, OK, are we supposed to be – – are we supposed to be thankful to Joe, for — to Joe Biden for trying to solve the problem that he started by not saying anything during the riots last year sitting on his hands, and now we’re — oh, finally.

WHITAKER: Yes, we shouldn’t be thanking. I mean, again, all they’re doing is replacing the funding, that they’re going to fire officers for these vaccine mandates.

GUTFELD: Huh —

WHITAKER: You know, to some extent it’s, it’s a net zero, I think at the end of the day, if they, if they really follow through with getting rid of all law enforcement that are unwilling to take this vaccine. But you know, we — I have such a high amount of respect and admiration for the men and women of law enforcement for first responders. They do the hard work, they’re there, they’re running to the sound of guns while everyone’s running away. We can’t do enough. The challenge though, is we can’t federalize local law enforcement either. We need to support the families, obviously, when officers are injured or killed in the line of duty. But at the same time, you know we just can’t federalize everything and make a massive bureaucracy out of law local law enforcement.

GUTFELD: You know, Julie, you are often called the first responder, when somebody leaves like a beer on a table, alone, you’re right on top of it.

BANDERAS: I never — yes, never leave alcohol unattended.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes.

BANDERAS: That’s just the rule of thumb as my friend.

GUTFELD: Never forget — as you often say about booze.

BANDERAS: Absolutely. Never forget. But I will — I got to say this, though, it is, it’s freaking about time.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BANDERAS: It is about time that a President stands up. I bet the far-left is going to go absolutely berserk. The fact that the President is actually finally standing up for law and order, finally taking crime seriously. And finally, the police officers whose hands have been tied behind their backs, literally, by these Democratic officials in all of these Democratic cities that have literally restrained them from being able to crack down on crime. I also hope it helps crack down on the homeless crisis here in the city.

GUTFELD: Right.

BANDERAS: I don’t know if you heard, I’m homeless recently. I’m wearing Kat’s shoes and my friend’s mom’s sweater. And I was planning on sleeping and Bryan Llenas’s couch tonight until, you know your producer will put me up at a hotel.

GUTFELD: You’ve fallen on hard times.

BANDERAS: I have, I have —

GUTFELD: Or you’ve been drinking hard times?

BANDERAS: And which is why I’m here.

GUTFELD: There used to be a —

DEVITO: Whiskey.

GUTFELD: Whiskey called Hard Times. There’s stuff in here that I don’t even remember that’s just rolling around. Joe, I don’t know what I’m saying, but will this crush the fun movement?

DEVITO: I don’t know. But you look at the three geniuses who voted against it, I guess maybe they thought it was to fund the show cops now available on Fox Nation?

GUTFELD: Oh, well done.

DEVITO: I think it sounds like a good idea to think, did they crunch the numbers and realize that more police might have an impact on fighting crime? The problem is the genie has been let out of the bottle when it was convenient for them, they did that, and they cannot stuff it back in. Because how do you say to communities in in criminals that, oh, you can no longer just wheel out carts full of beer now. That policy has changed. So, this this idea that you can just decide what in society we’re going to obey and we’re not. It’s not going to work. They’ve empowered the criminals. They’ve they did worse than defund the cops. They demoralize them. So, I’m not optimistic that this is going to turn out well.

GUTFELD: Kat, I’m guess — I’m guessing you actually read the specifics of the bill?

TIMPF: I did actually.

GUTFELD: Tell me more.

TIMPF: I will, because the bill that the three of them voted against was actually a bill specifically to increase mental health support for police. So, I don’t understand why they would vote against that especially if they say they’re so concerned about you know, policing and policing — if it you know, like what is the alternative?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Like a cop’s like hey, I’m really struggling mentally. You just say you know what, too bad, you and your gun get out there.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

TIMPF: I don’t understand.

GUTFELD: Yes, and it’s like — but you know, please send the social worker to a domestic call. But don’t send him to the cop who’s depressed.

TIMPF: Yes, make sure the cops have no mental health help. That’s the best police reform idea I’ve ever heard. What are you doing?

GUTFELD: I don’t know.

TIMPF: Neither do I.

GUTFELD: All right, up next, an alcoholic’s dream come true, a river that flows with a hardy brew.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Nature may be full of glorious splendor, but my favorites this river on an alcoholic bender. A town in Hawaii smells kind of funny, funky all because a river got a little drunk-y. But will drinking from this river damage your liver? A river — and I don’t even know how to say this — Oahu was found to have an alcohol content of up to 1.2 percent alcohol by volume.

Now, that may seem kind of low especially for, you know, you know who. But it was enough to make the entire area smell like beer which led to the water getting tested in the first place. Authorities say, the issue may stem from a spill from a drain pipe at a beverage factory. But we think this video of Julie Banderas vacationing in Hawaii may provide a clue.

BANDERAS: Oh, God!

GUTFELD: That’s where it came from.

BANDERAS: Because I didn’t have a drink in my hand. Anytime, I do a backbend I make sure to hold my drink properly.

GUTFELD: Is that great? We tied this whole thing up because, in the first block, you were doing a backbend.

BANDERAS: I know.

GUTFELD: I didn’t even notice that. That’s your whole thing when you’re drinking, backbends.

BANDERAS: No, I can drink upside down, upside right, any, any laying down – –

GUTFELD: You’re versatile.

BANDERAS: I’m not that impressed with the numbers here, though, 1.2 percent alcohol by volume. Like, had I tested my swimming pool stream filter, I would have gotten a much higher number. It also gives me a great idea, actually, you know, kill two birds with one stone, efficiency is my middle name. So, I like to you know, perhaps add the beer to my pool over the summer, and then I don’t have to get out of the pool every five minutes to refill my glass.

GUTFELD: This is — I was thinking about the same thing, Matt.

BANDERAS: It’s genius.

GUTFELD: It is genius. Like if this didn’t exist, why haven’t we invented something —

BANDERAS: No kidding.

GUTFELD: We have those like — what, Lazy River Amusement Parks, how about lazy drunk parks?

WHITAKER: I think the beer gets a little flat.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WHITAKER: But I was amazed the story also was like, we think it might be the beverage warehouse upstream. We don’t know. I wonder what else it could be?

GUTFELD: Yes. I don’t know. Well, Kat, it could be people —

TIMPF: Well, anything is possible with God.

GUTFELD: Yes. And God created this.

WHITAKER: He did turn water into wine.

TIMPF: Yes, it was Jesus.

GUTFELD: Yes. But you know, it also could be pee.

TIMPF: That’s true.

GUTFELD: It could be pee.

TIMPF: That was, that’s what I first assumed especially because it was a story that you selected.

GUTFELD: Yes, I did select that.

TIMPF: But I was wrong.

GUTFELD: Yes, I will take that over the other stuff. That’s for sure. Joe, what do you make of this story? Anything strike your fancy?

DEVITO: Yes, well, it’s — did you know that aloha means hello, goodbye, and this river smells like Zema.

GUTFELD: Zema.

DEVITO: That would be — what a weird thing to happen on your Hawaiian vacation? You think it would be a tropical river with little umbrellas floating by and you’re like oh, is this the great God (INAUDIBLE) was the one who made this happen?

GUTFELD: Hawaii is a weird place, huh? I mean, I’ve been there once. But ever since that Brady Bunch “Triple” episode —

DEVITO: Yes, with the —

GUTFELD: I knew, I knew ahead of time — yes, while you had the tarantula, you had the evil Tiki Doll, Randy Tiki Doll —

TIMPF: I don’t get. I’ve never been to Hawaii and I’m way too young for the Brady Bunch.

GUTFELD: I tell you what, man, you and Greg Brady, you want to hit it off?

TIMPF: I don’t get it. I don’t get it.

GUTFELD: What was I going to say? Oh, but yes, the Tiki, and then you had the tarantula. And then, what did you have? Vincent Price, right? Was it Vincent Price or am I getting confused with the Grand Canyon one? No, it’s the white one, was — he was, he was in the cave. (INAUDIBLE) is in the cave.

(CROSSTALK)

WHITAKER: Are you sure it wasn’t (INAUDIBLE)?

GUTFELD: That’s good too.

DEVITO: Greg, are you smelling like burnt toast —

GUTFELD: I guess that means I should shut up. You know what, I’m going to go home. I’m going to find that whole “Triple” episode. Oh man, I’m going to put this this the suds in the bathtub. Little Rose, a couple of my ducks.

BANDERAS: Can I come over? I’m coming over.

GUTFELD: Those ducks don’t talk. All right, don’t go away, we’ll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We’re out of time. Thanks to Matt Whitaker, Julie Banderas, Joe DeVito, Kat Timpf, studio audience. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” with evil Shannon Bream is next — I love you America.

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